he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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