i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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