where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
