she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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