the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize