You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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