I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
