let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
