there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
