the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
