i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
