Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
