Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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