we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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