Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
