I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
