Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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