plz talk dirty to me
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
