i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
