I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Actions speak louder than pants.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
