Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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