Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
A bitchslap is in order.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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