Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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