I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
