i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize