My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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