I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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