just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
