people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
