So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
