If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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