Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
