I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize