I can tuck mytits in my pants
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize