What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
