Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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