I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
