I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He kissed a someone with a penis
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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