So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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