I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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