these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
