I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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