I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
