i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize