He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
