i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
