I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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