TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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