gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
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