i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize