White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
