Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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