i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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