grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
