dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
