Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
