i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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