I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
