Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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