Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
