I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
