Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just had sex bonerless
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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