Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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