So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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