Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
