If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
