We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
