ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
