mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
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