I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
