Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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