i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
