Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
