If that was your dad, he is hot
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
