i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
