last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
