I cockslap morals
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
