And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
