If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
