So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I still have a little drunk in my system
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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