taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
