so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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