I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
