I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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