i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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