I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It was confusing and full of hummus
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
