If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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