GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize