Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
