Can i not drive my cunt home
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
