it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
