Do you still have your period?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize