I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I can text with my tongue
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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