I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
